I am so tired...

From my live journal...04/02/07

I think I am cracking under the pressure...seems like everyone in my family is catching hell and cant get a break. I am fighting off depression but I am wearing thin.

I have 4 kids...ages: 23, 22, 18, and 17. The older 3 all got cars in the same 2 days...within the next 2 days all of them broke down. They are now fixed. My son's car failed state inspection today.

My oldest broke up with her boyfriend and he is suicidal.

Both couples(daughters) are having housing issues and now so am I. I live on gov't subsidized housing and the inspector dislikes me immensely. (I have, however, learned that her behavior is not personal...she hates everyone.) I have failed 2 inspections in 2 weeks.

This time it was because there is a mattress and box-springs on my porch(CLUTTER). They are from Freecycle and were delivered last night.

I primed the wall in the kitchen above the stove. Although I have plans to paint the entire room, I have no paint. (SPOT-PAINTING). She even brought a camera to document things.

According to her, my house is cluttered. Everything is put away and cleaned. I have been here for 16 years and we have a lot of stuff...but the house is really nice. One of the kids friends said it is "magazine beautiful."

I am physically exhausted-due to arthritis....constant pain wears me out. Cleaning and painting were torturous. I did what I could, got mad,cried, and had all of the kids come help. We have practically remodeled the place in the last 2 weeks.

Just between me and you-my messages are now being moderated on the online group I am in because of the post about selling my quilts. Apparently I misunderstood what I was told when I asked permission to post it in the first place.

I am mentally exhausted...not so much from trying to solve all the problems, but trying my damnedest to patiently wait on God.

I am even lagging spiritually today. I don't want you to feel sorry for me and I know that my life today is the direct result of the choices I have made up to this point. I also know that God promised not to give me anything I can't handle. Apparently, He didnt hear me the other day when I told Him that we need to discuss that promise, because there is a communication problem. His idea of what I can handle and my idea of what I can handle are no where near the same.

I am so sorry to dump on you. Normally, I can handle the blinding shit storms...but when they are physically and mentally at the same time. Just pray for us, please.

Hugs,

Phyl




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