Forgiveness

taken from my live journal...

A friend asked me if she should invite her MIL to a candle party at her house. The MIL had just pitched a hysterical fit in which my friend was emotionally wounded.

Here is my response:

My answer to your question is this: Absolutely not! Here is why...you are having the party for fun. She obviously is having a tough time right now and you do not have to set yourself up for her coming over and possibly embarrassing you in front of other people. It is enough that she did behave the way she did towards you in front of hubby and kids.

I suggest that since God tells us to pray for our enemies, that you pray for her...now I am not calling her ur enemy. Its just that this situation could cause a rift in the family and praying for her will do two things. One it will keep you not sinning-and I can only imagine how good it would feel to rip on her. Two, God will bless her. I would suggest that you only ask God to heal her heart. Pray that every time you think of her. We may never know what pain she is operating out of.

Tell God that you forgive her. In his sence of fairness forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. It keeps the root of bitterness takin hold in our soul.

Please know that forgiving does not in any way condone her inappropriate behavior...just keeps you clean and healthy spiritually. Forgiveness does not make door mats out of us. Jesus was not ever a wimp, sissy, or door mat. He is the ultimate example of forgiveness. He actually healed an ear that Peter cut off of one of the men who came to take Him to be killed. He knew who and what the guy was and healed him anyway. Forgiveness is also not stupidity-it is a positive action and not a reaction.

Neither you or your husband would be wrong in limiting the amount of time you spend with her-feel free to wait until God soothes hurt feelings and egos. When He said we had to honor our parents, he knew that the 2 of you were gonna have to deal with her. Remember that she is a wounded person and prone to attack if she feels threatened. The key is to not take her actions personal. You just happened to be the poor souls she took her frustration out on. I imagine that when she felt confronted, she attacked out of instinct. I also imagine that she loves both of you dearly and may even feel bad for biting your heads off.

I have found that sometimes I am better off telling God about things that people do to injure me (or piss me off) than to talk them about it. Most people take the course of being offended and then have the option of thinking what a jerk so-and-so is instead of looking at their own behavior and taking responsibility for it. It is always easier to blame some one other than ourselves...even when we know we are wrong. Unfortunately, even when our motives are pure and we have a valid need, most people will not look to themselves as the source of the problem. Telling God on them does 2 things....it keeps us from choking folks and He can/will only work in situations where we totally stay out of His way.

There are, actually, very few relationships in my life that I am willing to take the time and energy to confront situations that arise. I tell God on them, forgive them, and leave the rest to Him:). How sweet is it that He takes care of our yucky business for us?

Wow...I am rambling on and on. Told you I have opinions...lol.

The other thing I can offer you is this...you can always pray this way: Lord, please change my M-I-L's behavior or help me to deal with her and not take her behaviors personally. Do you know the Serenity Prayer? I wear that puppy out!

All of these suggestions come from my heart and 46 years of real life. They are all subject to the approval-or not- of your hubby:).

I will be praying for you and please feel free to ask me anything. It is my sincere pleasure to minister to you.

Love ya kiddo...Phyl

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